


I Always Will

by padmoonyfoot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bi Remus, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sirius, Getting Together, M/M, No Smut, Oneshot, Romance, Writing Contest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26653858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padmoonyfoot/pseuds/padmoonyfoot
Summary: Remus has a big secret. Well, he has more than one. But the newest one could ruin his only friendships. Lily, and only Lily, knows of it, and Remus would like to keep it that way. But, what would happen if Sirius ends up learning it, himself? Originally written for a oneshot contest.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 62





	I Always Will

Sirius gazed across the Gryffindor Common Room exhaustedly. Few students were still awake, but, of course, Remus and Lily were, and were studying by the fire. James was beside Sirius whining to Peter about his three-hundredth failed attempt at swooning Lily - Peter clearly wasn't listening. Neither noticed Sirius' longing stare towards one particular person: Remus.

Things had been rocky ever since Snape found out Remus' secret, but they'd since made up and things were relatively back to normal. Yet, Sirius still felt uncontent, with Remus more disconnected than usual, and Sirius unable to digest and understand any feelings on the matter.

"Sirius!" he snapped out of his thoughts to see a tall, blonde sixth-year standing there.

"Ah, hey Julia!" he said as she sat down literally on top of him.

"Where have you been? I thought you and I were going to… you know?" she hinted, smirking.

Sirius swallowed as he glanced over to Remus. The other was watching carefully, but looked down as soon as he spotted him looking back. Sirius turned back to Julia, and feigned a smile. "Oh, right… I've been waiting for you!" She threw her lips onto his and he sloppily pretended to be interested.

...

"And how do you perform it? Remus?" Lily asked. "You're staring at him again."

"What? No, I wasn't," he said defensively, head whipping back around.

"Right… What did I ask, then?" At his blush, she smiled knowingly. "What are you going to do, then?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean about your feelings? Surely you're not going to let them devour you for another year?" she asked him. He thought for a bit, remembering the moment that he discovered his feelings. It was fourth year, and Sirius had brought one of his girlfriends to their dorm. At first, Remus thought he was just annoyed by their presence, but he realized he'd never felt that way with James' attempts to make Lily jealous (involving girls James brought to the dorm). The actual realization had felt like being splashed with cold water, halting all feelings of exhaustion and completely shocking him. Since then, he'd been more careful than ever to keep his feelings hidden - except from Lily, who was too observant.

"I can't think of anything else I can do, Lily," he lamented. "It's not like they're mutual. Besides, even if he is attracted to blokes, I wouldn't be one of them. Sirius would want someone who doesn't need taking care of, someone unlike me," Remus said, his eyes drifting back across the Common Room.

Lily frowned and placed her hand on Remus' arm.

...

"Where's Moony?" Sirius asked, flopping onto his bed.

"Rounds with Evans," James said, clearly jealous. "Do you think he fancies her?"

"Moony? No, Prongs," Peter said, taking off his shoes. "And before you ask, she doesn't fancy him."

"But how do you know?" he asked.

"Merlin!" Sirius groaned.

"What? It's a valid question!" When nobody said anything, James sighed. "How's Matthews?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Julia? I mean, every girl's jealous of her, obviously," he said.

"That didn't answer my question…" James replied. "Is she any different than the other girls? Do you want to spend your lives together forever?" James asked, dramatically placing his hand over his heart.

Sirius rolled his eyes again. "You're one to talk, Mr. 'I'm-going-to-date-every-girl-in-the-school-to-make-Evans-jealous' Potter."

James said nothing.

"Fine. All she wants to do is snog me in public," he said.

"Why do you do it then? Isn't it kind of rude to lead them on?" Peter asked.

"I mean, she clearly fancies me, so maybe if I give it time, I'll end up fancying her back?" Sirius asked, though a bit of him knew it wasn't true.

"I'm not sure that's how that works, mate," James said. "I know I won't like any of the girls I date-"

"Evans hasn't changed her mind," Sirius said, raising his eyebrows.

"She might!" James said defensively.

"Right…" Peter said, joining Sirius in rolling his eyes.

…

It was a few weeks later, and Sirius was now dating Cassie Bridgeson - a Hufflepuff fifth-year. He was doing his daily duty of avoiding her and he found himself in the library. I can do my homework later, he thought, meandering towards the charms section of the bookshelves, hoping to find some good prank material. He heard two familiar voices behind the shelf. Sirius froze when he realized they were Lily's and Remus'. He didn't think anything of it at first, until he heard his name spoken. He crept to the end of the row carefully

Lily's voice sounded first. "I know you don't think so! I've seen the way he's looked at you, though!"

He? 'He' meaning me? Sirius wondered.

He heard the familiar sigh of the Marauder. "Lily, I know you're hopeful, but you have to be realistic. He doesn't like me like that." Sirius felt his heart rate increase as he slid down to the ground, his knees pulled up to his chest.

"Has anything new happened? You know, that gives you the impression he likes guys?" Sirius suddenly got very angry. How dare she suggest that he's gay!

"Not really… Other than the fact that he's onto a different girl that he avoids now? He probably just doesn't like her!" Remus said, sounding completely defeated.

Oh, Remus… Sirius thought.

"Maybe I should talk to him-"

"No!" Remus said too quickly. "Sirius will just freak out and abandon me again. I'm already weird enough. Without them, I'm nothing. He'll tell James and Peter and then, boom, I'm an outcast. I can manage just keeping it a secret, okay? I've been in love with him for two years, now, it's not like it's new," Remus said, his voice quite shaky. "I'm sorry, Lily. I know you only want the best."

"No, Remus, I'm sorry. Are you sure you don't want me to help?" she replied, her voice suddenly soft and comforting.

Sirius felt sick with the information he just gathered. He had to get out of there. Despite his attempts to be discreet, he stood up so quickly that the blood rushed to his head and he clumsily had to try and regain his balance. He grabbed onto the shelf to assist in not falling over, but ended up knocking a few large books onto the floor loudly.

"Shit!" he swore and then instantly regretted it. When he finally could stand, he looked up to see Lily looking panicked in front of him.

"What the hell, Black? Why are you spying?" she whispered angrily before turning around to face Remus. His face had gone completely white and he locked eyes with Sirius before sprinting out of the library leaving everything sitting on the table. "If you hurt him..." Her eyes darkened before she grabbed his stuff and went out after Remus.

…

Remus entered the Common Room hesitantly after skipping dinner to see James and Peter sitting anxiously by the fire. They stood immediately when they saw him.

"Where the hell have you been? Sirius took the map and my cloak, and we haven't seen either of you since Potions!" James said.

"I must've lost track of time, sorry," he said.

"If Sirius isn't with you, then where is he?" Peter asked, not noticing Remus blush.

"I don't know. He'll show up, it'll be fine. I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed."

…

Sirius was curled up in an alcove in the empty corridor, invisibility cloak wrapped around him, as he watched the map. He saw Remus walk into the Common Room and up the dorm staircase, and the figures of James and Peter exiting the Common Room altogether.

Maybe, if I go now, I can sneak past them and talk to Remus alone? Sirius thought. So he did.

He watched the map closely, avoiding all of the corridors his friends were in and got to the Fat Lady's portrait. He ignored his beating heart as he took off the cloak and entered the Common Room. He saw Lily on the sofa with Alice and Marlene, but he avoided her gaze as he went up the dormitory stairs.

When he finally opened the door, Remus' head swung around to face his. He was standing by the door to the bathroom.

Sirius immediately forgot what he was going to say and stood there awkwardly watching the other. Remus had turned completely scarlet, making the large scar on his cheek stand out more. His hair was longer than he normally grew it, curly, and had his hand running through it. He had changed out of his uniform and was wearing a large beige sweater.

"Umm… Prongs and Wormtail are looking for you," he said, snapping Sirius out of his daze.

"Oh… Er, right," he said. "Um, about what happened earlier, I didn't mean to hear what you said… I just…" he stopped. Everything started clicking. Why he found himself unable to keep a girlfriend, and would rather spend his time with Remus than with anyone else. Why he made physical contact with Remus and not the other, and why he beat himself up the entire summer for leading Snape into the Shrieking Shack and putting Remus at risk. Why he did what he did next.

"Padfoot, what are-" he was cut off with Sirius' lips on his. Another thing became clear to Sirius immediately: this was far better than anything he'd ever done with any girl. Remus was sweet and gentle, tasting like chocolate and mint, his one hand entangling itself in Sirius' hair, while the other ran itself up his back. Air soon became an issue, so they broke apart in silence.

"Why is Evans so perceptive?" Sirius spoke finally.

Remus laughed as he sat down on his bed. "Good question."

…

After that night, Remus was unsure where they stood. Sure, he was overjoyed by the kiss, but he still didn't feel like Sirius would want him.

He was sitting in the library alone, planning on doing his potions essay, but couldn't find himself able to focus on anything but Sirius and the way he had kissed him. He looked up to see that exact person sit beside him at the table.

"Hey," Sirius said, smirking. "I was hoping to find you alone."

Remus half-smiled still not able to rid himself of his doubts. "Yeah?"

"Hey," Sirius looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Moony…"

"I just…We kissed…" Remus said quietly to avoid anyone else from hearing.

"That's actually what I came to ask about," Sirius said. Remus was fidgeting with his quill. "I dumped Bridgeson. And I know Pete and James would probably be okay with it... I don't think we could tell them just yet. But… I think I want to be more than friends… I mean, if you want to."

Remus blushed again. "Of course I do…"

"Then what's wrong?"

Remus hesitated and looked out the window. Remus tingled when Sirius put his hand on his knee. "I can't help but feel like I can't give you what you want? I look like this," he gestured to himself, "I could get you in more trouble with your family for being male and who I am... What if I hurt you?"

Sirius was watching him with affection and pain. It made him sad to hear that Remus didn't think he was good enough.

"It wouldn't be your fault, Moony. You know that, right?"

"Well, yeah, but… me? I'm not even fully human-"

"Remus, look at me," Sirius said calmly. The boy stopped and placed his hands in his lap, looking up at Sirius.

"You are more of a human than anyone I've ever met," Sirius said, grabbing Remus' hand under the table.

"I'm a werewolf, Sirius," Remus whispered. There was more pain in his voice than Sirius had ever heard before.

"I don't care, I choose you. I always will."

Remus finally smiled and squeezed Sirius' hand. "I will always choose you, too, Padfoot."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! You are amazing and the world is a better place with you in it <3.  
> Thank you so much for reading :))))


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